The mirror has not been kind to me over the past year. No, I’m not talking about the ACTUAL mirror – the one that I look into while I’m putting on my makeup and doing my hair in the mornings. I’m talking about the one in my mind – the one that sees me from the inside. I’m not the person I was and that mirror doesn’t like what it sees.
To paraphrase Eminem and Rihanna – I had become friends with the monster that lived in my head.
Something changed me. I guess it was a few things, really. They changed me from the upbeat, outgoing, positive, optimistic girl who tried to reach out and encourage others – that girl who would get asked “Do you ALWAYS smile?” – to someone who became cynical. Introverted. Negative. I became the girl who needed encouragement – and constant reassurance.
Why? How could I let this happen? Wasn’t I stronger than this?
Maybe it was a test…Maybe I failed. Is there a retake? Can I try again? Because, isn’t it true that our failures are learning experiences?
Our wounds – our scars – our failures – they are part of us. The phases we go through become chapters in our life stories. Without those hard, dark moments, the book is not nearly as interesting, is it. We need those dramatic, climatic blows – instances that knock the wind out of us and make us look at life in a totally different way.
Today, a new chapter is starting. The chaos is over and it is time to rise from the ashes. While I know the storm transforms us, it should not change us into a version of ourselves we do not like. The past is the past and the future will come – and it looks exciting! The present – it is exactly what it says – it is a gift. I am blessed beyond measure – it is time I start acting like it.