If you keep up with me or with my blog, there are a few things you are probably aware of. First of all, that I share things from my heart and if I am writing it it is because it is weighing heavily on it. Secondly, some of the things I share are pretty personal – however, I know these things will resonate with others in some capacity. Third, I am supposed to be working on stuff for finals right now – going back to school as a thirty-something mom is a major lesson in multi-tasking – so, this must be really important! 😉
Twelve years ago I met a man and I fell in love with him. This man had a precious little girl from a previous marriage and I eventually became her “stepmom.” Since then, I have had three other daughters with her daddy and we have all learned a ton about being what they call a “blended family.”
There are a lot of terms out there for the different types of families these days and to be honest with you, I have always despised the word STEPMOM. I really don’t even like the word STEPDAUGHTER. It invokes visions of Cinderella and that is something I would never want any mom compared to! One of my friends called Marha my “bonus daughter” one time and it recently struck a chord with me on a whole other level.
I have never really referred to Marha as my stepdaughter – I have always considered her one of mine – even if I did not give birth to her. It has never been “simple” being “the other mom,” and unless you have ever been in that position you will never fully understand what it entails. It has, however, been easy to love this child. I share in her successes and in her failures, just like I do my other children. It is a relationship that is not easy for her, either. At one home she is one of two and so things usually go her way – at the other she is one of six and sharing is not always easy – actually, it is rarely easy. You know this if you have more than one child! 🙂 Sometimes she feels torn and hates to make one of her parents feel left out. I cannot imagine being in her shoes. She has taken it in stride, though, and she is an amazing kid that I am beyond proud of.
I am blessed to have her in my life – this BONUS relationship has taught me a lot about parenting and a lot about love and the choices we make on a daily basis. On this Mother’s Day, I hope she knows how important she is and always will be to me.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Bonus Moms out there!