Yes, I’m straying quite a ways from what I usually write about, but I felt a “tug” on my heart this morning that I need to share my story and I feel that all women should read this – not only for yourself, but for your sister, daughter, mother, aunt, niece, friend… If I can help ANYONE, it will make my posting this WELL worth it.
When I was in high school, I remember sitting on the couch one day reading – my mom was sitting across from me in our little living room and Oprah was on in the background. The discussion was about young girls who were in abusive relationships and Oprah was giving moms a list of what to check for in their own daughters. I remember glancing up, head down, to see if my mom was paying any attention to what was being said – it didn’t seem that she was, so I relaxed a bit. The reason I was tense? Because Oprah’s checklist was describing my current relationship to a T. When Oprah’s list got to this – “Your daughter’s boyfriend has control over WHO she can hang out with and when” – I looked up nervously at my mom who was looking me dead in the eye. “Should I be worried about this, Roxanne? Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”, she asked. I responded with, “What do you mean?”, and acted like I hadn’t been paying any attention to what was on the tv.
Of course, I knew exactly what she was talking about, but I wasn’t ready to spill it. It would take a long time for me to get the nerve to tell her what was going on with me and my relationship with this boy. (No, I will not name any names and no, I will not tell you who it is if you ask. If you were my friend during this time, then you will know.) I was in an abusive relationship, but I was in serious denial. Well, that, and I was scared to death of what he would do if I did tell anyone.
He was great in the beginning, like usual, but then he started being demeaning. Then came the cheating – multiple times with multiple girls. I tried to break-up with him, but he would blackmail me into staying with him. I thought he wanted me to be with him because he “loved me” or whatever, when it was really just about being in control of me. A few times he got physically abusive – here’s a nice little example… One night, I was “dragging main street” with a friend when an ex-boyfriend of mine pulled up on my friend’s side of the car – she rolled down her window to talk to him, while I was pleading with her not to because I knew my boyfriend would disapprove. She thought I was completely out my mind and blew me off, saying “(he’s) not even anywhere around! Chill out!” She talked to the guy for MAYBE 20 or 30 seconds and then he drove off. Next thing I know, my boyfriend pulls up beside my car asking me to pull over. (Have you ever seen the movie “Fear” with Reese Witherspoon? Yeah, I can’t even watch that movie.) I was freaking out and my friend could not understand why. When we pulled over, (to a place where no one could see us, of course), my boyfriend asked my friend to get out so that we could “talk”. He proceeded to yell at me about what a “slut” I was and then he punched me in the side of the head so hard I thought my skull would explode. But, you know that saying “sticks and stones…?” Well, it’s true. The verbal abuse was bad – it made me even more insecure than I already was about myself. It was way worse than the physical, which was awful. There’s just something about those words that stick with you forever. Or, at least for a very long time.
Eventually, I had to tell my mom everything about our relationship so that I could free myself from him. Thank God for my friend, who was there with me for support. Without her, I don’t know that I could have come clean and I would have been stuck in a horrific relationship for much longer and who knows what would have happened in the future…

It happens more than you would think – to people you would never think would let it happen to them. I believe that things happen to certain people for a reason and I felt that this story needed to be told. My husband and I have four beautiful, precious daughters who we will protect with everything we have. I believe that my past experiences have given me knowledge that I need in the future. My heart breaks for girls who think they have to stay in relationships like the one I was in. Please, if you are reading this and you or someone you know is in a similar situation, you have the power to change things before it’s too late. Do not hesitate for a moment longer.

History does repeat itself, however, so I do have one more story to share. Stay tuned…
With much love, ~Rox
Share this post: