Sometimes I’m a little too “open” on here… However, I have to say that this is an outlet for me and you are seeing the real me. I’m nothing, if not honest. Saying that, though, I do have to keep some things private – or at least, private in a “not-everyone-is-going-to-know-exactly-every-thought-I’m-having” kind of way. If you’re one of my close friends, feel free to pry into my vagueness.
Now, on to the subject at hand.
I hate knots. My daughters come to me sometimes with enormous knots in their clothes or shoelaces – the kind of knots I think “How in the world did it get like this?!?” Sometimes, it’s hard to even get started on the mess – They just can’t be loosened enough to be undone.
I have some of those right now – in my stomach – they are the most awful kind – the kind I’m having a really hard time getting loose; and I’m thinking, “how in the world did it get like this?!?!” Deep down, I know what has caused the mess… it started with one thing that caused a tiny little knot that didn’t matter much. Then another thread from a different problem tied itself to that one and so on… until there are multiple problems all wrapped up in each other and I don’t even know where to START untying.
Do you ever feel like this? Do you ever have knots in your stomach that make you worry or feel uneasy? What do we do about a mess like this? I have to say that I haven’t felt like this in a while – and it seems like it’s always brought on by one person in particular. How many of you have that person in your life? How do you handle it? Does anything make you feel free from the knots?
It’s times like this that I need a friend to talk to. Someone who can give me an encouraging word that might start to loosen the mess that is making me feel anxious and uneasy. What I’ve learned in life, however, is that some very well-meaning people, can say the wrong thing that tightens that knot even more – then I feel worse than I did to begin with.
An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. (Proverbs 12:25)
So, what now? Why IS it that I haven’t felt this way in so long? Why is it that THIS time around, it’s not just my stomach that is tied up, but my heart, as well? What am I doing wrong?
I am not praying enough. I am not handing this over-whelming anxiety over to God. I am relying on people – people who don’t know what I am feeling, therefore they don’t know what to say – to make me feel better. Haven’t I learned by now that He is the only one who can make this better? That He is the only one who can take this horrible feeling away or make it into something else? My heart is crying out like never before to FREE ME FROM THIS!
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Lessons… I feel like I’ve been getting a lot of them lately. Some of them are extremely challenging – this one, in particular. But, once again, I am grateful for the challenge – because, everything in my life that has made me better and stronger, has been a challenge. Now, to get free of this knot.