Category: Motherhood (Page 1 of 5)

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What will be left?

I have been doing a lot of writing lately – obviously not on this blog, but I promise, there is a lot of writing going on.  As I was gathering and organizing some of my old blog posts, I came across something I did for one of my college classes last year and I HAD to post something here for y’all.

A few years back, Zak and I were preparing to go on a trip – and I tend to get very emotional about my children before I travel without them.  My mind will race and I think about all they will go through if something were to happen to one (or both!) of us.  What will they be left with?

When I ask that question, I don’t mean money or possessions, although I do believe that is crucial.  Like Dave Ramsey says, “It’s selfish not to have a will for your loved ones.”

When I ask “What will they be left with?” I mean, what will they remember about us?  How did we make them feel?  Did they know how very much they were loved?  Will they go through life knowing that someone believed that they could do amazing things?

And, because I am a writer, you know what I did when those thoughts took over brain?  That’s right, I wrote each of them a letter.  I didn’t just say “I love you so much and I will miss you while we are gone.”  No.  I got specific…

I told them that they have made my life exceptional – that because of them, I am a better person.  I told them that they can do amazing things in their lifetime – that they have more potential and talent in their little finger than I could have ever dreamed to have for myself…

I told them that they are beautiful, but that the kindness and compassion they have for others will be where their real beauty shines.

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(The picture is a real letter – but not to my children.)

I told them to continue relying on God throughout their lives.  To pray.  To ask for forgiveness and to offer grace and forgiveness to others.

These are just some of the things I want my children to remember during their journey on this earth.  They may read these things in books or hear them in a generalized way on a TV show, but I needed them to hear it from me.

So, the question for all of us becomes this… What are we leaving our loved ones with when its our time to go?  Will they know how we felt about them?  Have we written them down so that they can be a life-long reminder – a treasure they keep close to their hearts for as long as they live?

How will our words change them?  What about our LACK of words?

Words are powerful.  Not only do we need to use them wisely, but we need to USE THEM.

~ Roxanne

 

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What we ask for VS what we get

It was a little more than 11 years ago that we found out we were having twins.  When the doctor first said to us “I hear this might be twins – don’t get too excited yet,” Zak and I looked at each other with the kind of wide-eyed excitement a kid who had just entered the “World of Candy and Toys” store would have.  Yeah, we did not listen very well.

We spent the next few months praying we would make it through each phase of the pregnancy.  We prayed constantly for healthy children.

Then we found out we were having two girls…we, of course, started praying for all kinds of other things, but one was this…

God, please let them be individuals.  We don’t want them to be exactly the same.  Please give them each their own little personalities.

We knew when they entered our world – a little premature, but overall healthy – that they LOOKED very different.  One was blonde, the other brunette – one was a little chunkier than the other.  As they grew, they continued to do things on their own – Kimber was walking at 9 months and Kenna took her sweet time and didn’t walk until almost SEVEN months after her sister!  Kimber was always smiling and Kenna seemed annoyed by all that joy… we were a little amused.

We have watched them both grow into beautiful young girls, but still very, very different.  Most people wouldn’t even know they were sisters, much less twins.  One looks just like me, but acts just like her dad – the other, you guessed it – looks more like her dad, but acts like me.  One is a hunter – the other a ballerina.  One loves being a twin and we think the other would love to be an only child!  One loves to be affectionate and the other will barely hug us.

It is bizarre.

And I laugh about it a lot.  I remember praying that specific prayer and I think it is hilarious what God did with them!  Never in my wildest dreams did I believe that I would have twin girls who were so completely opposite.  For a long time, we wondered if they would even be friends with each other!  We are reminded that He has a sense of humor – I have a vision of God hearing our prayers, chuckling, and saying “Just wait.”

What God does with our prayers is so beyond what we could ever imagine.  What Zak and I wanted was simple – two daughters who were different enough that we could tell them apart.  What He ended up giving us is an every day reminder that He listens, that He cares, and that He can go above and beyond what we could even fathom asking for.  And isn’t that what we need so often? – A daily reminder of His goodness?

While we don’t always get exactly what we pray for, we get what we need, from the One who knows what that is better than anyone.

“But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer.” ~ Psalm 66:19

~Roxanne

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To the woman who doesn’t want to be perfect

Girl, I am with you.

Is it not tiring?  Perfection, that is.  I believe in the past few years, with the emergence of sites like Pinterest and its “look what I did/can do” condescending tone, we women have begun to feel more and more…inadequate.

Oh yes, we’ve tried the recipe…and the cute little craft…and the amazing restored furniture – all ginormous fails.  It’s enough to drive a woman to her crying room (a little like a “war room,” but it’s filled with your kids’ leftover Halloween candy and the tears of past failures.)

(Don’t you worry, I’ll still be pinning things I could never make later today.)

And what is with the altered selfies?  Can we not just be REAL anymore?  I don’t want people to see a filtered Instagram picture of me and then see me in REAL life and wonder who the heck I am!  Why can’t we be happy just being who we are?

Perfection.  It doesn’t exist.  But more importantly, why do we think it should?

I’m going to say it… I am in no way compelled to be perfect – with anything.  And yes, there is a great reason why.

No one would be able to relate to me.  I would have no friends.  (If I did, I would probably wonder why their eyes rolled out of their heads every time I was around.)  I would not be able to go to Friday breakfasts with the other women my age and say “Girl, just wait ’til you hear this!”  No one would feel comfortable telling me the things they found growing in their children’s backpack or about the dirty clothes they found hidden in the most unusual places.

We need to stop not only trying to BE perfect, but we also need to stop trying to come across as having it all together, because we don’t.  We are all human – and humans screw up – all the time.  Women, we need to start embracing our imperfections and laugh (loudly) about them!  Share your story with a friend – be honest.  Transparent.  That’s what we all want and NEED to hear!

Want a new friend?  Tell another woman that you can’t cook to save your family’s life or that you need to buy a new house for your every-growing laundry pile – or that you’re just exhausted and need to hear that someone else is, too.  Tell her that your marriage is just hard this week or that your kids are being…well, kids.  We want to hear that someone else is THERE!  RIGHT THERE!  “I’m with ya!”  And, if you’re not there now, you sure have been!

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When we are really honest and we let our guards down and remember all the times we just haven’t gotten it right – that’s when life gets real.  And humorous.  And we realize we aren’t alone.  And it is….relieving.

Women – you are not alone!  Ever!  Someone else is feeling that exact thing you’re feeling.  Surround yourself with other women who are tired of trying to be perfect – who are living this very real, human life – and who want to share with you how funny it can be.

Rox 😉

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