Category: Marriage and love (Page 2 of 4)

Being a girl

Sometimes being a female is so utterly frustrating. It seems like we are supposed to be several different people all wrapped up into one really amazing superhuman who our husbands adore, our daughters strive to be like, and our sons will try to find in a wife someday. We are supposed to be a woman who is looks well put-together, but it needs to be just “thrown together”. We are supposed to be feminine AND love all the things men like at the same time. We aren’t supposed to NEED a man, but… you get the point. (Do you see why we have mood-swings?!?)

I am now in my late-r 30’s and I am still trying to figure out so many things about who I am and who I am supposed to be for my family. I find myself looking in the mirror one day and thinking “You’re aging pretty well – way to go!” The next day, I catch a glimpse into the evil mirror that hates me and I think “How could my husband want to go to bed with ‘this’!”

As a woman, I am supposed to be confident in myself and not worry about what I look like – and at the same time, I’m supposed to workout, eat right, use a hundred different things on my face and body to keep them looking young, spend an enormous amount of money on getting my hair the right color, my nails done (this is something I very rarely have the luxury of doing), etc., etc. It’s maddening at times. As I spend time at my vanity getting ready for a day of actually getting out of the house and possibly going to eat lunch with my husband, I think (again) to myself “I sure hope men appreciate the effort that goes into just BEING a woman.”

My hubby will often tell me “You look just fine the way you are. You don’t need makeup.” And, although I appreciate his words and I actually DO take them to heart, I don’t believe what he is saying . I used to be able to go without makeup and not really care. I actually DID look ok without it. I’m not sure what happened that changed me, but I’m sad because I don’t want my daughters to catch me looking so bewildered when I see a less-than-beautiful image of myself. I don’t want them to be so worried about their appearance; but, I know they eventually will… being a girl just sucks sometimes.

I often go back to this and I really, REALLY need to put this in each of my beautiful daughters rooms and hope and pray that they will remember this always…

beauty-peter

(If you cannot see the picture, this is what it says…

“It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that make you beautiful. No, your beauty should come from within you – the beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit. This beauty will never disappear, and it is worth very much to God.” 1 Peter 3:3

I CAN say that I have strived more (I think) to be a better person on the inside than on the outside. Because, I truly believe that the glow that comes from a truly beautiful-on-the-inside person reflects on the outside so much more than they realize.

Yes, being a woman is so frustrating at times…but, I would never want to change because of the truly awesome things I have been able to do (i.e. carrying real-life HUMAN BEINGS inside of my own body – I mean, really… is that not the most amazing thing ever?). I will never be EVERYTHING, nor do I want to be. I actually LIKE who I am and will continue to just be the “best version of me I can be.”

Until next time,

Rox

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My story about abuse that every girl needs to read

 

Yes, I’m straying quite a ways from what I usually write about, but I felt a “tug” on my heart this morning that I need to share my story and I feel that all women should read this – not only for yourself, but for your sister, daughter, mother, aunt, niece, friend… If I can help ANYONE, it will make my posting this WELL worth it.
When I was in high school, I remember sitting on the couch one day reading – my mom was sitting across from me in our little living room and Oprah was on in the background. The discussion was about young girls who were in abusive relationships and Oprah was giving moms a list of what to check for in their own daughters. I remember glancing up, head down, to see if my mom was paying any attention to what was being said – it didn’t seem that she was, so I relaxed a bit. The reason I was tense? Because Oprah’s checklist was describing my current relationship to a T. When Oprah’s list got to this – “Your daughter’s boyfriend has control over WHO she can hang out with and when” – I looked up nervously at my mom who was looking me dead in the eye. “Should I be worried about this, Roxanne? Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”, she asked. I responded with, “What do you mean?”, and acted like I hadn’t been paying any attention to what was on the tv.
Of course, I knew exactly what she was talking about, but I wasn’t ready to spill it. It would take a long time for me to get the nerve to tell her what was going on with me and my relationship with this boy. (No, I will not name any names and no, I will not tell you who it is if you ask. If you were my friend during this time, then you will know.) I was in an abusive relationship, but I was in serious denial. Well, that, and I was scared to death of what he would do if I did tell anyone.
He was great in the beginning, like usual, but then he started being demeaning. Then came the cheating – multiple times with multiple girls. I tried to break-up with him, but he would blackmail me into staying with him. I thought he wanted me to be with him because he “loved me” or whatever, when it was really just about being in control of me. A few times he got physically abusive – here’s a nice little example… One night, I was “dragging main street” with a friend when an ex-boyfriend of mine pulled up on my friend’s side of the car – she rolled down her window to talk to him, while I was pleading with her not to because I knew my boyfriend would disapprove. She thought I was completely out my mind and blew me off, saying “(he’s) not even anywhere around! Chill out!” She talked to the guy for MAYBE 20 or 30 seconds and then he drove off. Next thing I know, my boyfriend pulls up beside my car asking me to pull over. (Have you ever seen the movie “Fear” with Reese Witherspoon? Yeah, I can’t even watch that movie.) I was freaking out and my friend could not understand why. When we pulled over, (to a place where no one could see us, of course), my boyfriend asked my friend to get out so that we could “talk”. He proceeded to yell at me about what a “slut” I was and then he punched me in the side of the head so hard I thought my skull would explode. But, you know that saying “sticks and stones…?” Well, it’s true. The verbal abuse was bad – it made me even more insecure than I already was about myself. It was way worse than the physical, which was awful. There’s just something about those words that stick with you forever. Or, at least for a very long time.
Eventually, I had to tell my mom everything about our relationship so that I could free myself from him. Thank God for my friend, who was there with me for support. Without her, I don’t know that I could have come clean and I would have been stuck in a horrific relationship for much longer and who knows what would have happened in the future…

It happens more than you would think – to people you would never think would let it happen to them. I believe that things happen to certain people for a reason and I felt that this story needed to be told. My husband and I have four beautiful, precious daughters who we will protect with everything we have. I believe that my past experiences have given me knowledge that I need in the future. My heart breaks for girls who think they have to stay in relationships like the one I was in. Please, if you are reading this and you or someone you know is in a similar situation, you have the power to change things before it’s too late. Do not hesitate for a moment longer.

History does repeat itself, however, so I do have one more story to share. Stay tuned…
With much love, ~Rox
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The truth about my husband…

Never in my life did I think I would be in this position… Never did I think I was going to be the wife of a man who was running for an elected position. Never did I think I would need to stand up for and speak out for the man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. However, that’s what a good wife does, right? Right?!?

Before I tell you more about him, let me say a few things about myself…

I am fiercely loyal – whether it’s with people or business or whatever the case – you can count on me to be loyal…almost to a fault. So, you can fully expect me to show this when it comes to my husband – whether I agree with him on a certain issue or not!

I will stand up for what I believe in. Period.

I take on whatever my husband is feeling… when he is hurting, I am hurting. When he is happy, I am happy (usually) – lol. When he is nervous – I am nervous – times 100. So, when he was speaking at the forum the other night, I was so incredibly consumed with nervousness, that I could feel the inside of my body shaking. All I could do was pray that God would calm him and give him the words to say. And, I feel like he did a fantastic job. 🙂

Now…here’s what I want you all to know about Zak.

He loves his family more than anything and would go to the ends of the earth for them. He is an extremely loving father, son, grandson, nephew, cousin, and of course, husband. He is also fiercely loyal and has one of the strongest characters of anyone I know. When he speaks, it comes straight from his heart. He’s genuine – what you see and hear, is what you get. He loves The Lord and wants our children (and others) to know that a life without God, is a very tough life to live. He is a smart business person – he started his own business here in Perryton eight years ago and recently purchased another business that has grown tremendously since he took over.

Some of you might disagree with him on a certain issue – but, that’s not all he is about. I disagree with him sometimes, as well, but that’s life! We will not see eye to eye with everyone at all times – that’s a fact. If you know my husband, you know that he is a man of his word. He is a man that is great to have in hairy situations – a man you would want as a friend – a man who will stand up for what he believes in – a man I am proud to call my husband.

I believe he is a man you would be proud to have as a member of our City Council here in this wonderful little town I have called home all my life. Thank you all so much for your support!

~Roxanne

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