Category: Body Stuff (Page 1 of 4)

comparison

5 Things to Remember When Comparing

I was having a conversation with some friends the other day and we started talking about some of the insecurities we have about ourselves.  We discussed how we compare ourselves and we even opened up about how intimidated we were by each other before we were friends!

I have written and spoken about comparison – especially with women – many times over the years.  It makes my heart ache to think how many times we miss out on special friendships because we have preconceived ideas about what someone else is like or that we let our own insecurities get in our way.

I am thankful that as I have gotten older, I try to get to know someone before I make unfair judgments about what they are like.  I am thankful that I have friends who do the same with me… that even though they had their own perceptions of who I was before they met me (good and bad), they gave me a chance and we are all blessed more by the friendships we have built.

So, here are some things to remember when you start playing the comparison game…

  1. We are all very different ON PURPOSE.  If we were all the same, life would get pretty darn boring.  We have different bodies, different passions, different ways of parenting, different political views.  God made us different for a reason and we should embrace it.
  2. Let’s get to know someone’s heart and circumstances before we judge unfairly.  When we see someone going through a really hard time – even if it looks like it is from their own doing – we need to be more empathetic and realize that there is probably a lot more to the story than we know.
  3. God didn’t ask you to be someone else or live out their assignment.  We each have our own calling – we have our own gifts and talents.  We so often think that because our friend is doing something, we should do it, too; but this isn’t always the case and it could end up hurting us more than it helps.                            comparison
  4. Speak life into someone!  When you see something you like about someone – whether it’s that they are dressed cute, speak eloquently, sing beautifully, have great hair, nice shoes, WHATEVER – tell them!  Start telling people what you like or love about them!  How many times have you thought something nice about someone and they are RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, but you never say it out loud?  I’ve done it many times!  There is great power in a compliment, y’all – it could completely change someone’s outlook on their day.  Small things can be so huge – and it will come back to you two-fold.  🙂
  5. That girl you see in the mirror every day is greatly loved.  There are things about you that someone else thinks are amazing.  You will never know all the wonderful things your friends, family, and even strangers like about you, but know that someone else wants something you have or wants to be more like you in some way.  Not only that, but you are loved by the God who made the heavens and earth – He thought the world needed YOU.

 

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When it sucks to be a girl

Almost 7 years ago, when I was pregnant with my youngest child, I really believed that I was pregnant with a boy. We had three girls already and I just really thought that this unexpected pregnancy was going to result in something different. When I saw the ultrasound, I knew immediately that I was wrong – and my husband knew by the tears that were welling up in my eyes that he was also wrong. Another daughter… We would soon have four girls.

We briefly went through a weird crying phase, not wanting to believe that this was in the cards for us. When we announced the news to our friends and family (and to everyone on social media) we got a lot of the same responses – “Better get your guns ready!” or “Oh, bless your hearts!” and other things along that line (although those responses have not stopped). One that has stuck with me, however, was from a very dear friend… She said, “That’s awesome! You get to be an expert on girls!” It changed my thoughts and although I will never truly be an expert, I definitely know a lot about females and how we all think and interact with each other.

One thing I absolutely know – without a doubt – is sometimes it just sucks being a girl. We FEEL too much. We are overly critical of ourselves. We often wonder if people are watching us and wondering what they are thinking. We wonder what we are doing wrong – in our parenting, in our marriages, with our family and friends, with our bodies – and it goes on.

Yesterday, my husband caught me doing something I wasn’t even aware I was doing. After visiting my grandfather in the hospital, we went to grab something to eat at a restaurant. I was zoned-out – thinking about my family and eating my food. I eventually locked eyes with my husband and said “What?” He said, “I’m just watching you watch people – you don’t even know you’re doing it.” He explained to me that I was looking people up and down – I was mortified! Let me tell you why…

A few years ago, when I was in the best shape of my life, I caught a very prominent woman in the fitness industry doing this to me. I watched her eyes start at my feet and travel all the way up my body and I could feel myself stop breathing. Her eyes eventually met mine and she smiled at me. I half smiled back at her and eventually started breathing again. I will never know what was going through her mind – maybe nothing! – But, it has stuck with me forever – because I assumed she was thinking something horrible.

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Women are so hard on each other and on ourselves. We are often afraid to speak up or speak out – even when it’s something positive! I believe in the power of the compliment… when someone catches you watching them, speak up – tell them you like their hair or their boots or their eyes. Women thrive on positivity – whether they think so or not. Yes, I have said these things before, but we need a reminder every once in a while.

Yes, sometimes it sucks being a girl, but it can also be one of the most powerful, uplifting things in the world! God gave us the very unique and amazing gift to give life – this doesn’t have to be literal. We have the gift to give life to those who may feel that they are not worthy enough – or pretty enough – or fit enough – or WHATEVER – to take part in something. SPEAK UP – SPEAK OUT! Tell someone something good – TODAY. And every day.

I hope that my daughters learn this lesson early in life and that they can freely give hope and power to others.

It feels much better to build people up than it does to tear them down.

~Rox

buildup4

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The Monster

The mirror has not been kind to me over the past year. No, I’m not talking about the ACTUAL mirror – the one that I look into while I’m putting on my makeup and doing my hair in the mornings. I’m talking about the one in my mind – the one that sees me from the inside. I’m not the person I was and that mirror doesn’t like what it sees.

To paraphrase Eminem and Rihanna – I had become friends with the monster that lived in my head.

Something changed me. I guess it was a few things, really. They changed me from the upbeat, outgoing, positive, optimistic girl who tried to reach out and encourage others – that girl who would get asked “Do you ALWAYS smile?” – to someone who became cynical. Introverted. Negative. I became the girl who needed encouragement – and constant reassurance.

Yuck.

Why? How could I let this happen? Wasn’t I stronger than this?

Maybe it was a test…Maybe I failed. Is there a retake? Can I try again? Because, isn’t it true that our failures are learning experiences?

Our wounds – our scars – our failures – they are part of us. The phases we go through become chapters in our life stories. Without those hard, dark moments, the book is not nearly as interesting, is it. We need those dramatic, climatic blows – instances that knock the wind out of us and make us look at life in a totally different way.

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Today, a new chapter is starting. The chaos is over and it is time to rise from the ashes. While I know the storm transforms us, it should not change us into a version of ourselves we do not like. The past is the past and the future will come – and it looks exciting! The present – it is exactly what it says – it is a gift. I am blessed beyond measure – it is time I start acting like it.

wounds

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